Myrtle' Swimming lessons

Today Myrtle and I went to the public Swimming pool, for Myrtle's first swimming lesson.
But first we had to go to the Department store, to purchase Her a swimsuit, and Shower cap.
She must have tried on a hundred swimsuits before we could find one that fit. She finally found One that fit her comfortably, It was real hard to find because it had to have a hole in the rear for her tail to go through. Its really cute, a floral print with frilly edges. ( She looks so ridiculous you can't help but laugh when you see Her in it)
She wanted a little purse to go with it, but all these accesories are really expensive. I did spring for a pair of water wings for her, I wouldent want my Baby to drown.
Of course She had to wear it in the car, on the way to the pool.
As we drove down the highway She kept climbing up on the rear veiw mirror so She could see herself, Each time She saw her reflection She would Hiss at herself. ( she dosent realize its Herself She is seeing, She thinks She is seeing a Opossum) She kept hanging upside down from the Mirror, blocking my veiw, and I was swerving all over the road. ( other drivers probably thought I was A drunk driver or something). a DWPI ( Driving while possum impaired)
We finally got to the pool, and I ran up on the curve, Myrtle lost her grip and got slung to the back winshield. I'ts so important to keep your children in a child safety seat just for this reason.
The first swimming excersize was jumping off the diving board and into the pool. When it came to Myrtles turn, She slowly mosey'd towards the end of the diving board, and when She got to the edge, She just froze up and stopped. All the other Kids were taunting her screaming JUMP, JUMP, like she was on top of a building trying to commit suicide or something. I was on the opposite end of the pool, and got her attention, telling her to go ahead and jump, that everything would be o.k. I could tell she was unsure of her self, But She finally got enough courage, reached in her pouch and took out a clothespin and clamped her nose and went for it. As She started her way down, it was like everything was in slow motion,
She went head over heels three or four times, Her crosseyes all bugged with fear, Her thousand teeth grin locked in a lip curling spread, her short fat body stiff paralized in a streched out position. And finally she hit the water with a crashing bellyflop that seemed to take an eternity.
She sank for a moment, then rose to the surface and begin to float. ( Thank God I thought)
All of a sudden everyone began to laugh hysterically, and then I saw to my Horror, that She had lost the top to her bathing suit on the impact. Her face turned red, and so did mine. She swam to the edge of the pool and I ran over and threw a towel over her to save her any more humiliation. Unfortunately the entire swimming class saw her pre-womanly breast ( all eight of them ) at that moment I realized that my little girl was headed straight for puberty, and it was probably time for a training bra ( where in the world will I find one for her with eight cups)
This is when being a single Father has its difficulties.
I decided we would go ahead and go home early and skip the rest of the lessons. Myrtle climbed in the carseat, upsidedown and I buckled her in, and we went on our way.
During the drive home I decided we would stop by Pets R us, and get her a bag of crickettes
for her snack later ( they are her favorite ).
Well its late, and Myrtle is getting sleepy, Tommorow after school I'm going to take her to Victorias Secret to look for some Girl stuff. Wish us luck
Sincerely
Myrtle's Father ( And Mother too)