Myrtle tries out for Cheerleading
I picked Myrtle up from School today and we went to the YWCA for Cheerleading tryouts.
I'ts all she has grunted about for weeks. My baby wants to be a Cheerleader. In reality She is too short and too fat, but I'm sure she is more limber and can do all the stunts better than most other young Girls (Or Opossums) can. I'm a little concerned about the skimpy outfits that they wear. Myrtle is starting to blossum out, if you know what I mean.
Anyway we showed up on time and there was a hoard of girls there to tryout. Some of the girls were Myrtles classmates. When they saw us they started to Whisper to each other, God only knows what kind of mean things they were saying. The Coach told all the Girls to line up, and he started to pick Squads for the tryouts. She called out name after name, and then finally She said " Mittle Jones" ( they never can get her name right.) I gently pushed Myrtle foward to the line, She was very Nervous, Not Myrtle, the Coach. You could have heard a pin drop as Myrtle scuffled across the floor, slowly but steadily, stopping every now and then to scratch a flea or two, tripping a couple of times on the hem of her Cheerleading outfit.
Each Girl was to recite a Cheer she had made up for the tryout.
Finally it came to the girl just ahead of Myrtle. It was Sally Mae Shrineholder, a little Girl from myrtles class, who has been known to pick on her.
Her cheer went something like this,
TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT
WHO DO WE LOVE TO HATE
MYRTLE, MYRTLE, SLOW AS A TURTLE, SO FAT SHE NEEDS A GIRDLE, SO UGLY SHE MAKES MILK CURDLE.
She jumped and piroletted or what ever you call it, and the crowd laughed and clapped. Myrtles face turned bright red with embarrasment, If you could see it through all the hair.
Next it was Myrtle's turn. I just held my breath with horror. Would my little Baby be able to pull it off??
She fumbled onto the center stage, and picked up the shakers, one in one hand the other with her tail, and began to jump and twirl. Poor thing got dizzy and threw up all over her little outfit.
but all in all she did o.k. I guess. I wonder if She will make the team??
Her cheer went something Like this
MY DADDY IS GREAT
MY DADDY IS FINE
HE FALLS OVER SOMETIMES
WHEN HE DRINKS TOO MUCH WINE
I Was so embarrased that Myrtle would mention me drinking wine.
As we all waited to hear who made the team, Sally mae Shrineholder looked over at Myrtle and said " You will never be a Cheerleader, rats dont make the team"
Myrtle had a big tear in her eye, and I reassured Her she Would be fine.
It was a long wait, and I noticed Myrtle was fidigiting around Sally Mae's Shoes, Probably smelling poop, I thought
But actually she took her tail and tied Sally Mae's shoestrings together, without her knowing it.
All of a sudden the Coach called out " Sally Mae Shrineholder "
As Sally went to leap foward, She tripped and Busted her nose and it bled all over her frilly little uniform I grinned delightfully, and So did Myrtle.
Sally was the last one to Make the team, And I was looking over at Myrtle, She had the most disappointed look about her, Then all of a sudden the Coach Said. " and Our Mascot position goes to Myrna Jones. ( thats Myrtle you stupid %%$$#@@**&, I thought to myself )
Myrtle was so proud, She was just gleaming. I on the other hand was a little upset considering
The team was called The Richardale Rodents.
But my little Princess was happy and that's all that matters.
We went to Golden Corral for dinner, to celebrate , and after we got seated the place cleared out and we had it all to ourselfs as usual, Myrtle was smaking, and eating with her mouth open and drewling everywhere, making a complete mess of everything. And I felt so calm and serene, Life was good and all was well, My little Girl was happy for once.
We'll go to go, Myrtles needs to be in bed early, She has swimming lessons after School tommorow. ...... until then
Sincerely
Myrtles Father
I'ts all she has grunted about for weeks. My baby wants to be a Cheerleader. In reality She is too short and too fat, but I'm sure she is more limber and can do all the stunts better than most other young Girls (Or Opossums) can. I'm a little concerned about the skimpy outfits that they wear. Myrtle is starting to blossum out, if you know what I mean.
Anyway we showed up on time and there was a hoard of girls there to tryout. Some of the girls were Myrtles classmates. When they saw us they started to Whisper to each other, God only knows what kind of mean things they were saying. The Coach told all the Girls to line up, and he started to pick Squads for the tryouts. She called out name after name, and then finally She said " Mittle Jones" ( they never can get her name right.) I gently pushed Myrtle foward to the line, She was very Nervous, Not Myrtle, the Coach. You could have heard a pin drop as Myrtle scuffled across the floor, slowly but steadily, stopping every now and then to scratch a flea or two, tripping a couple of times on the hem of her Cheerleading outfit.
Each Girl was to recite a Cheer she had made up for the tryout.
Finally it came to the girl just ahead of Myrtle. It was Sally Mae Shrineholder, a little Girl from myrtles class, who has been known to pick on her.
Her cheer went something like this,
TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT
WHO DO WE LOVE TO HATE
MYRTLE, MYRTLE, SLOW AS A TURTLE, SO FAT SHE NEEDS A GIRDLE, SO UGLY SHE MAKES MILK CURDLE.
She jumped and piroletted or what ever you call it, and the crowd laughed and clapped. Myrtles face turned bright red with embarrasment, If you could see it through all the hair.
Next it was Myrtle's turn. I just held my breath with horror. Would my little Baby be able to pull it off??
She fumbled onto the center stage, and picked up the shakers, one in one hand the other with her tail, and began to jump and twirl. Poor thing got dizzy and threw up all over her little outfit.
but all in all she did o.k. I guess. I wonder if She will make the team??
Her cheer went something Like this
MY DADDY IS GREAT
MY DADDY IS FINE
HE FALLS OVER SOMETIMES
WHEN HE DRINKS TOO MUCH WINE
I Was so embarrased that Myrtle would mention me drinking wine.
As we all waited to hear who made the team, Sally mae Shrineholder looked over at Myrtle and said " You will never be a Cheerleader, rats dont make the team"
Myrtle had a big tear in her eye, and I reassured Her she Would be fine.
It was a long wait, and I noticed Myrtle was fidigiting around Sally Mae's Shoes, Probably smelling poop, I thought
But actually she took her tail and tied Sally Mae's shoestrings together, without her knowing it.
All of a sudden the Coach called out " Sally Mae Shrineholder "
As Sally went to leap foward, She tripped and Busted her nose and it bled all over her frilly little uniform I grinned delightfully, and So did Myrtle.
Sally was the last one to Make the team, And I was looking over at Myrtle, She had the most disappointed look about her, Then all of a sudden the Coach Said. " and Our Mascot position goes to Myrna Jones. ( thats Myrtle you stupid %%$$#@@**&, I thought to myself )
Myrtle was so proud, She was just gleaming. I on the other hand was a little upset considering
The team was called The Richardale Rodents.
But my little Princess was happy and that's all that matters.
We went to Golden Corral for dinner, to celebrate , and after we got seated the place cleared out and we had it all to ourselfs as usual, Myrtle was smaking, and eating with her mouth open and drewling everywhere, making a complete mess of everything. And I felt so calm and serene, Life was good and all was well, My little Girl was happy for once.
We'll go to go, Myrtles needs to be in bed early, She has swimming lessons after School tommorow. ...... until then
Sincerely
Myrtles Father
posted by matt kevin jones at 3:03 PM
2 Comments:
So Myrtle made milk curdle into butter- rich and creamy!
Three cheers for Myrtles' father when Myrtle cheers! :D
BTW, when are you going to train Myrtle to be an actress? Perhaps, she should take up singing class, ballet or even Kung Fu for the audition.
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