She's so ugly, She could melt Snow

Wow, We are expecting about 5 inches of Snow tonight and tommorow.
Myrtle is so excited she can barely control Herself.
She Keeps hanging from the Chandelier, singing Frosty the Snowman. ( She thinks its still Christmas) Last time it Snowed, I took her Sleding, She kept jumping off in front of the Sled, and it kept running over her. ( the Vet Bills were enormous.)
This time I bought her a pair of Ski's, so She can ride behind the sled. She looks so cute in her Parka, hat and gloves. The Bandaids on her tail aren't so attractive.
Her tail as ugly as it is, is so wrinkly. We went to Belks department store, to the cosmetic counter to look for some Anti aging and de wrnikling creme for her tail.
As we came up to the counter I sat her down beside the lipstick display, while I waited on the clerk to assit us. the Store was pretty busy, so to pass the time we started trying on differen't shades of lipstick. all of the shades made me look like a slut, but the burnt berry shade really
Compliments Myrtles lips, it also sort of hides her buck teeth.
The clerk kept pointing at us from the other side of the store, and soon they was a crowd gathering. I knew from past experience, that we should pack up and go. So we exited very quickly, but when we passed through the security gate it started beeping. Suddenly Several store security officers surrounded us telling me over the bullhorn, " Drop the ugly kid and put your hands up" it was a nasty ordeal.
Come to find out Myrtle had hijacked that pretty shade of lipstick and a bottle of Liz taylor's White Diamonds, ( A forty dollar value) Needless to say we did not get the free Handbag
Supplies were already out.
Myrtle has a problem of sticking things in her pouch without paying for them.
So it was another day of police, and laughs and stares, Just a normal day in the life of a father with an ugly, Kleptomaniac kid.
Sincerely
Myrtles Father