The Bus Driver tries to run over my baby

I have the ugliest child in the world...
Her name is myrtle.
She is a opossum. ( yes a Opossum)
Dont laugh I get enough of that as it is.
When I take her to the drive in window at mcDonalds, the window worker wont even slide open the door. It always " pull up to the white line"
Do you know how embarrasing that is? All the kids at School make fun of her they call her Crosseyes. Every morning the School bus tries to run over her instead of picking her up.
I know they can see the backpack and lunchables sitting beside her.
Even ugly kids deserve an education. What can I do except put out a sign that says " Hey lady
Stop the Bus".
People on the highway can be so rude when we are driving around town. They honk and laugh at us on the interstate. it really hurts her feelings. She is ultra sensitive.
My mother does mean things too, She refuses to let myrtle sit at the dinning table during holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. She once tried to have a sleepover at home and none of the other kids showed up. Her and I had to eat all the Chex mix by ourselfs.
Once at the grocery store she got her tail caught in the buggy. Absolutely nobody came to our assistance. ( Whats the world coming to?)
We went to Kids Depot once and she had to go down the slide all by herself. I felt terrible for her
So after we left I took her to have her pouch groomed at the Oriental Nail Salon.
The technician kept commenting about how good she would look in a bed of fried rice.
I love her very much. I keep her in a box by the fireplace. even my partner of 10 years says her tail looks like a dead snake.
She often comes home from School crying saying all the kids pick on her, and asks her to hang upside down from the ceiling. We are Jewish and you should see her in her yammica. ( I know only men wear them o.k. ( this is a story keep in mind ) Once a repair man came to the house
He was a real Hillbilly, you know like the kind that stars on Hew-Haw. He said he would give me 5 bucks for her, Said his wife makes a mean possum stew. I wouldent take a million dollars for her ( maybe a Million and a half ) She was so distraught that she climbed in the oven and turned the gas on high, only after she sprinkled herself with taragon and sage.
Tommorow I have to go to the School for a parent teacher conference, they say she is failing Gym class. I think the other kids are jealous because she can climb the rope better than them.
Anyway I gotta go, I need to help her with her homework. Please remeber to be kind to ugly kids, they just want to fit in. And if you see my little girl sitting beside the road one morning
in her pink dress and barney lunch box SLOW DOWN, she cant see very well and she may step out in front of you.
Stay tuned for more Unhappy stories about my ugly little girl.
Sincerely
Myrtles father.

Note: Myrtle is a real opposum that I rehabilitated. I am a wildlife rehab specialist for the State of North Carolina. Myrtle was brought to me by a wildlife officer after being pulled out of the mouth of a vicious dog when she was just 8 weeks old. She is nearly blind and about 3 years old
She is a wonderful and loving animal that has become a part of the family. Most opposums I rehab are released back into the wild, but myrtle was to Human imprinted to let go. She is a house opposum and has her own room.